Cool Breeze

Walked out of the lab tonight and to my surprise I didn't feel like I was going to drown in the humidity. What a pleasure to feel the cool breeze!

Today I was told that my request for a meeting among the higher level folks in the agency was being set up .... then I was told I had to have a presentation ready for the meeting. Sigh. As if I needed another task.

Also today I came face to face with two things of ugliness. One was my own pride and self righteousness. The other was the inability to trust in the goodness of people.

My friend at work has made some really bad choices for herself and her family. Mainly having to do with men. The last time I talked to her about her on again-off again relationship with the man she's been having an affair with for the last three years, I told her that she should end the relationship because it was a sinful one. A few days later she started talking to him again and I told her she was playing with fire. A few days after that she made a comment about going to lunch with him. I stopped talking to her about it then. Over the past few weeks I've sensed she would like to talk to me about it, but I didn't let myself be approachable because I was sick of giving her good, Godly advice and watching her throw it away. I was sick of feeling used and sucked dry by her.

Today I said to her, when she stopped by in my office, you look upset. I was very matter of fact about it, not really sympathetic at all. Because I wasn't sympathetic. She acknowledged that she was upset, but she too was very matter of fact about it, which was a change from how she is normally. She said it was stuff having to do with the guy--she even told me that they were over when I asked if they were off or on? I listened to her tell me a little bit about what had happened and the whole time I was thinking judgemental thoughts about her. Like how stupid she was to let him back into her life after the last time and how glad I was was that I hadn't been talking to her lately because she had let him move in with her. And other things...thoughts that were true, but that were without any grace. And part of me wanted to believe her when she said they were over, but the bigger part of me was like... yeah, right, we'll see. So... I know that I am prideful and self righteous, but I didn't really like seeing it today... even when I was thinking all that stuff I knew I was being that way. But I was so busy I just had to go on and forget about it.

The inability to trust people... two women in another department have been very cold and hateful towards me over the last few months and I had just decided that it was because they thought they should have been more involved in this project, that they had decided for some reason to believe that I was trying to keep them out of it. I had hoped that they would realize I wasn't their enemy and they would come around. And last week they seemed to have a huge change of heart, cause they were warm and cordial towards me for the last week or so. But, today I find out that one of them is possibly behind one of the head honchos taking an interest in my project and adding to it, which would be a bad thing for me. Today I became suspicious that their change towards me was because they were doing things that were going to end up in me getting screwed. And that sucks. So, I will have to use them as a resource for my project and not trust them. I think that will be very tiring.

I like my direct supervisor. He has been a real source of comfort and aid to me over the past few weeks. And that has surprised me! I didn't know he would be someone I could depend on like that... He's been popping in to the lab just to see what's going on and if he could be of any help. I'm glad he's not someone I dread seeing come in the door. Plus I can kid around with him. Yesterday after he'd been there awhile he said, "Well, if you need anything let me know...." I said, "I need a diet coke." and giggled. He rolled his eyes.

Oh... and the IM dude called on the cell last night. Don't think that one's going anywhere, because after the first 15 minutes he started talking about how he wasn't Calvinistic and did I really believe that what Christ did on the cross wasn't meant for all mankind? And then proceeded to give me scripture references to refute the concept of limited atonement. He wasn't antagonistic about it, but still... Not thinking that I'll ever hear from him again. Specially after I said, Wow... you really know your scripture references, don't you? I kinda laughed after we hung up, because I'm sure a few of my "never gonna get married guy friends" (NGGM's) would have done the same thing about predestination.

I really hope this breeze cools off more than the temperature the next few days.