I don't know where this journey will take me, the path curves ahead and I'm not able to see very far into the distance. I know where I've come from and I don't want to go back. I know where I am and I don't want to stay. That leaves one option open to me...move ahead. I am not bothered that where I am headed is not visible to me. I am thankful for the peace which has come in the wake of my decision. I can only remember this same peace one other time, when I finally decided to quit graduate school, save this decision was not as painfully reached!
Some would say that looking backward has no benefit, but I would disagree. Remembering the path I've traveled to arrive where I am helps me to see God. Without the pain I've felt from the situation at church, without the struggles I've had at work, without the discontent in my life I would not be willing to make this change. Oh, the mysterious ways of the Lord! I do not deserve this good thing. I never have and never will DESERVE the blessings He has given me, either materially or spiritually. But how wonderful that He doesn't dole out blessings based on our merit! And I think for the first time I am experiencing His faithfulness during a period of my life when I have questioned Him, been angry with Him and perhaps even tested Him. My relationship with Jesus and God and the Holy Spirit is just that---a relationship. I am actually encouraged that I have been (am?) in a place where my emotions toward Him have been passionately engaged at times. Even if those emotions weren't always comfortable. I am so glad I have lived long enough to have a path behind!
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