If a picture is worth a thousand words then here goes -The faces tell it all...

too long

What's uppermost in importance for me right now? LOTS of things - from the 'to-do' list I have running around in my brain (not to mention the pink post-its everywhere) to the idea that I am leaving for Alaska on Thursday, to how much work can I get done before I leave, to processing my church, to how many people can I cram into seeing over the next two days, to the aggravating congestion in my head... It's a mess - almost chaotic... But not in a bad way.

Fun things for me - I am looking forward to using my new camara lens on the trip - hopefully I'll have lots of opportunities to shoot good pictures. I am looking forward to teasing Chappy on this trip - or watching Linda tease him - almost as good.

Introspective things for me - I'm missing Communion on Sunday and I listened to a sermon from Tim K called The Supper which made me WANT to participate in it for the first time in a long time. I hate I'm going to miss it, because the opportunity comes around so seldom at my church. I really would like to celebrate remembering what Christ's sacrifice provided for me and relish my relationship with Him and God at that particular time and place.

Thankful things for me - Work is providing me with a great deal of positive re-enforcement about my value as a consultant. This is particularly gratifying given my recent risks and changes in my job, so I am very glad about it! Today another consultant offered to hire me to do some work on the side for his company. That was a HUGE compliment.

Desired things for me - Am beginning to WANT more things for myself than what I have (not material things - emotional, healthy things). Not sure how I'm going to respond to that, but planning to respond. I am glad to say that I don't look at them and think, "That will never happen for me." I am thinking instead, "Am I willing to do what I need to do to make it happen? Yes, I am." and then I have the certainty that change will occur. GOOD thing.


Okay, this is rambling enough, but it certainly is an apt reflection of my thought processes, so there you have it!!

Easter Morning

Easter morning I woke up early enough to savor a cup of good coffee and listen to a sermon by Tim Keller called 'I am He'. It was a wonderful morning! And because I had been fed spiritually that morning, I didn't get angry when I went to church and there was nothing in the sermon. There were glimmers of something, times when he was on the edge of having something wonderful to say, but... he...just...couldn't...get it out. Sigh. Still, I was happy to be there. It was made clear to me a number of people have missed me over the past three months - they may not have contacted me outside of church, but when I went back this past Sunday, many people came to me to tell me how much they missed me. I have put my church in a box and when they jump outside of the box, I'm surprised. I hate it when I do that, but I do it all the time.

Some of what Keller said was this:

If the christian religion is right, then it has to be a superior religion, because it is God himself who has come for you. If it's right, then it's superior. But if it's wrong, if it is the teaching of a megalomaniacal psycho, then you should despise it. If you have a mild response to Jesus Christ, then you have no intellectual integrity. If you hear what he said about himself and if you decide he is right, then you have to fall on your face and beg him to command you... or if you decide he's wrong, then you have to despise him. But if you have a mild response to Jesus Christ, you have no intellectual integrity and you don't know who he is.

"Woe is me, I am a man of unclean lips... I am come undone." Nobody can stand on their faces before God. Jesus gives them a glimpse of who he is and it is enough to knock a Roman legion on their faces. If you fall to the ground you are vulnerable. If you lose your footing, you've lost, the enemy is too great for you.

What is spirituality? God is a divine presence, God is a divine love, and if I'm spiritual then I'm in tune with that divine love.

Mysterium tremendum - when people actually got near the holy, the sacred, when they actually began to experience the reality of God -- it was traumatic. Getting close to God is traumatic. Nobody can stay on their feet in the presence of God. Why? Very simple. Our self image is based on performance. Everyone's self image is based on performance. Our identity is fragile, so when we get into the presence of superlativeness, it's traumatic. If you have to live or work with someone who is SO much better at your job than you, or someone who is SO much prettier than you, then our self image is shaken. Nobody can stand in the presence of God. Our culture has lost this idea. We can't even stand people who are so brilliant and so pretty without feeling mediocre.

If you are a secular person you should hope for judgement day, because then everything will be put right. But here's the problem if there is a judgement day, what hope is there for you and me? If the soldiers beforeJesus Christ, in the garden, who was veiling his Glory, couldn't keep their feet, how can we expect to stand before God?

Solution: Christ said: If you are looking for me, then let these men go... There were at least 200 soldiers that came and looked for Jesus. If you are arresting a dangerous insurrectionist, you certainly arrest their followers. But Christ said "let them go" which means, "forgive them". Take me... me for them... Let them go and take me...

The Cup - all thru the OT, the cup is a judgement day thing, it is justice and suffering and punishment for the ones who deserve it. Christ says, I will go to the scaffold for you. Jesus is the judge who was judged. Why? Because he loved all of you so much he didn't want to lose any of you. On judgement day you will be able to stand, because you believed in Him. He went to the cross and took our judgement day early. If you really believe this and you won't lose your footing on judgement day, then you won't lose your footing now. When you are criticized or when you are wronged, now... If you don't believe this, then you will lose your footing, you'll become hard, critical, bitter, maybe even evil. If you don't know if you believe this in your heart, if you think you believe it in your head, but not your heart, there is a comfort.

Look at Peter - after three years of hearing the gospel from Jesus, at a key moment Peter takes his sword and attacks. Christ goes over the gospel for him again... Father-Cup-Father... Christ shows unyielding love and no amount of pain will stop Jesus Christ from saving us, no amount of stupidity will stiop Jesus Christ from saving us, and no amount of daily failure will stop Jesus Christ from saving us.

Sorry for all the paraphrasing! That last part really was a comfort to me.

Mrs. Williams

What I first noticed about her was that she was sitting in a wheelchair. She didn't seem to be any different from the other elderly white women I've seen waiting to board the plane over the past year. But when she reached out with a smile to touch the gate agent's elbow as he took her boarding pass and he bent down to hug her in response, I was surprised. He took the time to speak with her -- in fact, it was clear he cared about her. I thought the interaction between them said more about him than her, but I was wrong.

Alvin invited me to go ahead of him before he pushed her wheelchair down the ramp - I had effectively forgotten her by the time I settled into my seat. I'd buckled myself into the middle seat on the second row and buried my nose in my book before I noticed her again. This time it was because she was standing at the end of my row and asking if she could sit in the seat next to me. Inwardly a small part of me sighed because I had been looking forward to sitting in the middle and not sharing my row with anyone. But I didn't really begrudge her the seat and I moved down - she was apologizing the whole time I was moving things. She explained to me with a laugh that this was her "lucky seat" and she sat in it every time she went to Houston. As soon as I really looked at her, I knew she was not well. Her thinning, white hair was cropped short, stylish, close to her head. Her skin had a sallow tinge to it and her cheeks were sunken. She was dressed nicely with simple jewelry, not overdone. I don't remember what I said, something appropriately polite, no doubt.

While we waited for the plane to taxi, I learned she traveled every Thursday morning to M.D. Anderson in Houston for her chemotherapy. And back to Jackson every Thursday evening. Only this morning her appointment was on a Monday and she only recognized one other regular traveler. I saw her lean forward to get the attention of the lady in front of us and her smile transformed her face. It was one of the most beautiful smiles I have ever seen. I think I fell in love with her then. Her cancer can't be cured - in 2004 the doctors in Jackson sent her to hospice to die, but she decided to live. Her husband is in the nursing home at the VA since he suffered a debilitating stroke a few months before she was diagnosed. So she goes to M.D. Anderson every week because she wants to live as long as she can. She was matter of fact about this and told me, "If the Lord wanted me to die, I would have been gone long before now. " She lives in her granddaughter's travel trailer in Byram- it's the perfect size for her, she can move from the bed to the chair easily. She has a tv and plenty of food. Her son picks her up at the Houston airport every week -- she would be happy taking the M.D. Anderson shuttle, but he refuses to let her do that. He want's to go with her to the doctor every week. Whenever her flight back is delayed, he would strip down to be able to go through security with her, but she doesn't let him do that. She's fine, she has her puzzle book and there are plenty of people to visit with--time passes and he could be at home by the time she got through security.

She relayed all of this to me without a bit of self-pity. She didn't invite pity, either. She was at peace. Before the trip was over, I understood why Alvin hugged her because I wanted to hug her, too. Instead, I settled for rubbing her back and telling her I hoped her day went well. She gave me one of those smiles in return.

I hope I see her again - because I probably will hug her then.

Men

Men. I like men.



The other day I was driving and I saw a man on his bike at the corner, waiting for the light to change. No, it's not what you think! This man was a NICE man. I know this because there was an older lady sitting on the wall at the corner. She had a cane and a big bag and the man was talking to her. Of course, I don't know what they were talking about, but I have decided he was making sure she was okay. He must have stopped riding his bike at the corner and noticed her. I think he spoke to her to see how she was doing and to see if she needed any help. Because the light changed and he kept talking to her for a while before he rode off. I liked that.

I think I have posted something like this in the past... at least I'm consistent!

Addendum:

This evening, on the way home, I was trying to put my suitcase in the overhead compartment but it wouldn't fit. I asked the stewardess if my bin was smaller than usual (I was still trying to put the suitcase in the bin as I asked - so my suitcase was at head level) and suddenly an older gentleman who was a little further down the aisle plucked my suitcase out of my hands. Just took it without saying a word and stuffed it into the bin a row back. It startled me a little but I expressed my gratitude.

Now some women might not like what he did, but not me. I think that was nice of him. He just reached out and effortlessly stuffed my heavy bag in a bin for me. And when we landed, he went back there and got it out for me.

Hotels

Okay, this may be mundane to a lot of people, but not to me since I spend most of my week in a hotel. I have found a new hotel! It's a suite, has a great bed, a sitting area with a comfortable couch, a desk and a FULL kitchen!! I can cook in this hotel room if I want to! I was very excited to find this place -- and it's located smack dab in the middle of lots of neat stores. Sam's Club, Home Depot, Bed, Bath and Beyond, HEB... You name it and it's probably around here. They served a light supper in the main office tonight and there is complimentary breakfast every morning. AND it's a good price per night. I like it.

Travel these days requires one to know the system. Otherwise, you're at the mercy of the airlines. Today my flight from Jackson to Houston couldn't land. We circled until we ran low on fuel and then they diverted us to Dallas. Once in Dallas, they were re-fueling the plane and then flying back to Houston. I had a choice, stay on the plane, fly to Houston and then catch a connecting flight to Austin OR catch a connecting flight to Austin from Dallas. There were so many people in a tizzy, talking ugly to the gate agents... It was ridiculous.

I called the airline on my cell phone while I was still on the plane and asked about the schedules out of Houston versus Austin. Ended up changing my schedule so I could take a flight to Austin from Dallas because I could get there earlier. It was a frustrating morning, but it would have been more so if I was one of those folks who stayed on the plane and went back to Houston because they didn't think they could get a flight out of Dallas.

I called the rental car place next to let them know that I would be late. The young man at the counter knows me and this week I got a free upgrade. How nice!

So, I'm thankful for the good things that happened to me today.

Headaches.... I've been plagued by them lately. I have one now and I'm about to close the computer up and lie down. But I wanted to post something here before I do.

Today I realized I possess something most of my peers will not ever have. Knowledge. Intimate, hands on, fluent understanding of the world inside a laboratory. When I look back at my life, I can only shake my head at the idea that God KNEW what I was going to be doing on this very day of my life. When I was a sophomore in college, I was accepted in nursing school--my whole educational goal up to that point had been nursing school. And because of a "fluke", my life's goal was changed in one summer's day. So I got a degree in Microbiology.

Then, because I didn't know what else to do, I went to graduate school to get my PhD in Microbiology. Five years later, feeling like an complete failure, I left with a Masters degree and took a temporary bench job in a clinical lab. Five years later, my application to Nurse Practitioner school wasn't accepted. (I'm persistant, you have to give me that. ) Two years later, I became the database administrator for the clinical lab.

A year and a half ago I became a consultant who configures laboratory databases for clinical labs. Two weeks ago I was certain my career was in jepardy and my life would end in the poor house since I didn't have a computer programming background. It's not my strong point. I also was certain that my strengths wouldn't be valuable in a few years time.

So back when I was a sophomore in college, God knew that TODAY I would be able to see His hand in my life. Because I can go into a meeting with a group of lab people, listen to them describe how their lab works and translate it into a laboratory configuration for them. The first time I hear it.

God is funny, sometimes.

Red Velvet Cake Day

I sat in the sun for a couple of hours today reading a book and was content. I sat with a friend during a crisis last night and was content.

And yet, somehow, where I'm not willing to look right now, is a sense of worry. Anxiety. Distress. Nagging wrongness. Is it me? Is it my circumstances? Is it sin? Is it pain? Is it real? I don't know. I think it's probably not real. Oh, the feeling is real. But whatever it's about is probably not. So today I sat in the sun.... and ate red velvet cake. And watched 6 hours of Lost. *laugh*

Heart and Mind

I am full of thinking today. Big thoughts, little thoughts, middling thoughts... Full of them. Most of them are good, worth giving time to, worth sitting with for a while.

Have you ever had to face your limitations? You know, accept that you aren't good at something which may have lasting consequences on your life? A friend of mine put it this way, it's as though you're an early settler trying to survive in the wilderness and you suddenly realize you're a bad shot with a rifle and winter is coming on. Oh, shit! What am I going to do for food? Talk about consequences.

But that's just a middling thought now - a middling feeling. Not nearly as all consuming as it was earlier this week. Mostly because I have experienced reality today which reduced the power fear had on me... somewhat. And because I am feeling loved. I believe there is nothing better than to know and feel that one is Loved. It is good to be loved by imperfect human love, by imperfect loving people. OF COURSE it goes without saying, being Loved by God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit is even better. But how can we understand His love for us without experiencing the imperfect love of other sinners? I don't know--I'm sure some intellectual somewhere would say I have it backwards. Pfffft! Who cares?? I am grateful God allows me to experience the love of others so I can better understand how it feels when He loves me. The point is He. Loves. Me. He cares that I was freaking out this week. He cares about whether I can trust Him to define my value. He cares enough to be involved in my sanctification, not just my salvation.

Over a year later...

So... where did the time go?

Get a new job, start traveling week to week, home only on the weekends and suddenly time, personal time becomes much more precious. Subsequently what I chose to spend it on became more important. Time for relationships, being deliberate in maintaining my relationships--that became important. Time spent at home, sleeping in my bed, eating in my kitchen, sitting in my recliner, loving on my dog -- that became life-giving.

Yet, until recently, time for my relationship with God was not something I sought out - or, I must admit, not much. Even now I don't feel guilty about it, just a little sad about the loss of opportunity. Recently I discovered (again) Tim Keller and have been listening to his sermons online. I must still be a christian (laugh) because listening to him talk about the Prodigal Sons and the love of the Father for them was pure joy. Real Food. Listening to him talk 0f how christianity brings about life-transformation (freedom from sin, freedom from addictions) was pure hope to me. I am looking forward to the next one.

Things I am thankful for - my friends who continue to seek me out, my counselor, my house, my sister, my job, my life. My singleness. Yes, even that, because I'd might not have any of the rest of it if I were not single. Today I went to lunch with Barbara Linn -- she surprised me with a lunch party including Bewey and another friend. How much fun it was to be on the recieving end of someone caring for me. Tonight for the first time in months, Bewey called me to make sure I was okay and there wasn't a hint of reproach about not going to church in a month. That was a gift.

Friday Night

I've splent a pleasant day at home today. I love working at home! I was able to work a couple of hours this morning, sitting at my desk. Honey would come up to me occassionally and ask to be petted, I obliged of course. It was cool this morning, so I really enjoyed my cup of hot chocolate... I left to have lunch with some work friends and then came back to work some more. While I was earning my pay today, I was also spending it. I had a security system put in this afternoon. I must admit to FEELING more secure now.

Which is a little ironic to me, since I know full well that my life and well being is in the hands of God. None the less, I still like knowing that if I press a button, my house is armed. Isn't that a funny statement? My house is armed? Watch out! My house is armed! Humph.

I have the tv on now and I'm in my pajamas snugged up underneath a fuzzy blanket, because it's chilly. I wish I had some company, but I'm not unhappy being alone. A little bored, I guess. I am looking forward to tomorrow night because Curt and John are coming over to hang out with me and look at pictures. I miss hanging out with people I enjoy. I feel like I haven't been able to do that in a long time.

Wednesday night was a good bible study night for the women's Circle. I talked about having peace with God. I asked them what did that mean? To have peace with God? To go from knowing you are sinful, deserving of hell. To feel shame, fear, pain, gut wrenching guilt, never being able to fix it... To be aware of the reality of that in yourself and then know that you can approach God freely. That God loves you. And you love Him. Forgiveness. Joy. Acceptance. Reconciliation... Peace with God. I can't grasp it. I glimpse it, but I can't grasp it and I certainly can't hold on to it.

But tonight is quiet and I am safe. And loved... and the One who loves me best is here with me.

I wanted to post a few more pictures... These are from New Zealand.

More from Oz

Although I am now home, I still want to post this last letter from New Zealand to keep the record going. I doubt I'm going to write anymore about the trip here, but I do want to write something. This is a picture of the Kaikoura coastline--where the mountains meet the sea...



Hello all!

We are in Kaikoura , New Zealand tonight! It is cold and rainy but we are snugged up tight in our little house on wheels. We’ve just finished a meal of soup and salad, both unique in their own way, not your typical American soup and salad but enjoyable none the less. Both of us have gotten some sort of throat thing so we have taken it easy this afternoon. I was tired after driving a STICK SHIFT on the wrong side of wet pavement up and down twisty mountain roads. Gorges and gulches and rolling hills and oceans on the sides. It is beautiful here! And we are getting to see it with clouds hanging on the tops of the hills. The trees and flowers are blooming and it is simply gorgeous. AB notices the plants everywhere we go! She sees them before she sees the mountains which are what my eyes go to first.

Everyone is so friendly and warm, AB says it’s like going back in time. She also says it reminds her of Hawaii . She is a real trooper, showering in open air bathrooms and sleeping up top in the camper. She won’t let me sleep up there…

We had lunch at a quaint little café in a small town called Cheviot, the ladies were wonderful… but they don’t tip here (or in Australia) so when we left a $2 tip on the table, the waitress came after us saying we had forgotten our two dollars. She kept it quick enough when we explained it was a tip, though.

I think we are having a grand adventure. We are going to stay here for a little while and look around. There is a seal colony down the road and whale watching at the local winery. Which we are going to visit tomorrow and maybe taste some NZ wines. The weather is supposed to clear up a bit.

We’ve seen a variety of animals, sheep and cows, but surprisingly, elk as well. Elk! In herds! And llamas! And really cool birds—crows with white t-shirts on, seagulls with red feet... The hills are covered with vineyards, too. It is a lovely, lovely place. I like it better than Australia . Aunt Barbara likes it different, not better.

I have to say a little bit about the campervan here. It is a diesel (which costs $1.03 NZ/liter) truck, about 15 feet long and tall enough that we have to climb into it. It’s bigger than I thought it would be. It’s a stick shift, but the shift is on the left side, so I’m having to change gears with my left hand. That has taken some getting used to, but thankfully the blinker is on the left side so I’m not turning on the windshield wipers with every turn! I have to admit that I’m proud of myself for being able to drive the thing at all! The very first night in Christchurch we checked into the nearest Holiday Park and I had to back the van into the spot between two campervans already parked. I did it on the very first try!! I didn’t give myself a chance to think about it and get scared. I backed it into the spot today, too. It’s got great mirrors! I’ve only run over the curb on the left side when I’ve been turning about 4 times… I think that’s pretty good, myself. Could be worse… It’s got a heater that runs on electric, so we are staying warm, except for when we have to run between the raindrops to the bathroom.

Well, I guess that’s all for now…

Uncle Joe, Aunt Barbara says, “I love you!”. We are doing fine and feel very safe in NZ.

Love!
Lisa and Barbara

Letters from Oz

I haven't had much leisure time while I've been here in Australia, but I've been able to send emails to my family and friends. So I decided to post them here to have a record of some of the events that happened to me and Aunt Barbara.


Saturday, Sept 23rd

Hi all!

We (Aunt Barbara and myself) have arrived in Sydney on
time. We had a good trip overall although 14 hours on one plane with
358 other people makes a very LONG trip. Thankfully there were no
screaming children on board. But! The next time I do this, I think I
will spend the money for a first class seat. No kidding.
We got a taxi to the hotel and I have to admit to cringing a little on the ride
over. Because the streets are all backwards! And everytime he'd
make a turn, I thought oncoming traffic was going to hit us! Not to
mention the fact that he went very fast and ran yellow lights
frequently. I had to laugh because all I could think about that I was
going to have to drive once we get to Brisbane.
Yikes! I think we got gypped, too. Because the cost of the drive
from the airport was $75.00 AU when it suppposed to be $40.00AU. I didn't
tip him.

We are in the hotel but we are not in a room yet because they don't have one ready for us. They were full last night due to the Aussie Rules futbol tournemount and we are waiting for someone to check out. We are sitting in the hotel restaurant drinking a $5.00 cup of
coffee.

So--Day One.. we are tired. We are grimy. We are not hungry, however, because Quantas Air fed us very well! Just imagine a British butler and you know who served the whole trip! They
were wonderful! I don't know what we will end up doing today, but we may take the City Tour to get ourselves oriented to Sydney.

More to come later...

Lisa

Sunday, Sept. 24th

Hello all!

After sleeping from 2pm yesterday until 4 am this morning (with a three hour supper break last night) we got up and went out to see what we could see. We are resting now. It's 3:30pm and we have spent the morning walking around the Sydney Opera House and the Rocks (which is the first place the convicts landed when they came here) market. It is unseasonably warm here, unfortunately. Whew! Hot, hot, and dry! I (Lisa) am still dehydrated from the plane trip and walking around in the sun baking didn't help me. We also climbed at least 250 steps today -- my body (Lisa) hasn't seen that much exercise in a while. So we are resting now, before our dinner cruise this evening.

We had a chinese banquet lunch where they bring the food to the table and put it on a lazy susan and we serve ourselves. I think Aunt Barbara is impressed with my new company and my new co-workers. She says "They are not stupid people. So it makes it fun!" It's made me laugh when I introduce her as my aunt, two people have immediately said something to the effect of -- so, she's your chaperone?

The cost of things here are expensive--the chinese banquet we had cost $26 AU just for lunch. That's not much less than the breakfast buffet in the restaurant. We've had room service twice now, once last night and then this morning--what a treat! Aunt Barbara said she's never done room service before and that I am a bad influence on her, but she liked it!

The flies are terrible. They go for your mouth and nose--someone asked if we had learned the aussie salute yet...waving your arms around at the flies.

Hope everyone is well at home. I'm not missing you...yet!

Love!

Lisa

Tuesday, Sept 26th

Hello all!

We are still perking along-- Aunt Barbara went to the Chinese Gardens yesterday and had a good time! I am thankful that Labware is picking up the food tab while we are here, at least for me. The food here is so expensive, even outside of the hotel. Yesterday morning Aunt Barbara had the leftover pastries from our room service breakfast on Sunday and I ate pastries provided to us before the meeting. They provided me with lunch and supper as well as stuff for our tea breaks. I "stole" food from our tea breaks and hid it in my bag to take to Aunt Barbara. So she had muffins that I lifted from the meeting for breakfast this morning. I've already taken three more this morning for her to have tomorrow! LOL! She gave me one of her ziplock bags and I'm going to try and get some of the fruit for her this afternoon... She had McDonald's for lunch and we both had a mediterranean dinner last night. It was a nice restaurant situated on the wharf of Darling Harbor--beautiful evening outside! Labware is really treating us well as far as the dinner meals are concerned. I tasted barrimundi (fish) for the first time. Seafood, as you can imagine, is a big deal here. I've had calamari and squid--liked the calamari, didn't care for the squid much. The shrimp is to die for though--Jeannie, you would love it! They serve it with the head still attached. Amazing how squeamish some people are about that stuff, they've made me laugh.

The night before we had a dinner cruise on Sydney Harbor and they entertained us with aborigine dancers. We got some great pictures of that. Tonight we will have an "authentic" aussie bbq.

Uncle Joe--Aunt Barbara is going shopping today, she said to tell you she loves you and that she is having a good time! I asked her to buy me some earrings, so I'm looking forward to seeing what she chooses. We are planning on looking for some opals to buy later on this week.

Okay, my conference is about to start! I hope this finds all of you well!

Love!
Lisa

Wednesday, Sept 27th

Hello all!

We're just in from an evening out--It's Wednesday night - 11pm here, Tuesday morning 8:00 am where you are. Aunt B is in the shower and I've been downloading some of my pictures. Thought you'd like to see a couple. I don't have any of me that are worth looking at, so you'll have to look at Aunt Barbara. The picture of her face is when were were in a gondola just going up over the Toranga Zoo this evening. She may look like she is smiling, but she wasn't very happy right then... LOL!

I had one of the most divine desserts I have ever laid lips on tonight... White chocolate mousse with Bailey's creme brulee. Oh... My... Gosh. I ate every bit! I'm not sure if we will have internet access in Brisbane or not... Tomorrow we will be flying out of Sydney to Brisbane in the evening. If we have acess, I'll write again, but if not, this may be it. I'll be able to check my email tomorrow during the day.

Uncle Joe, Aunt Barbara says, "I love you! I'm doing great--Lisa's trying to wear me out!"

I love you all and hope you are doing well!

Love!

Lisa

Thursday, Sept 28th

Hello All!

It is Thursday night, 11:30pm (8:30am your time). We have just gotten settled in the hotel and boy! am I glad to be here. I just want you to know that God is a good God and He looks after us better than we deserve. I was worried about arriving in Brisbane after dark and trying to find the hotel from the airport, driving on the left side etc. But, because it was so late, I didn't have to contend with a lot of traffic. Which was a wonderful thing, because driving on the wrong side of the road was unnerving! And we found a map in the car so that helped us find where we were going because the maps from the internet were sorely lacking. We prayed before we left the parking garage and prayed in thanksgiving when we got to the hotel. Because we actually didn't drive straight to the hotel, we kinda "found" it by accident since it wasn't marked very clearly. Aunt Barbara would say "Lisa, you done good!" but I know grace and mercy when I see it. LOL!

Picture this: Lisa and Aunt Barbara in a Toyota Yaris, the driver side is on the wrong side. The blinker switch is on the wrong side. I said before we left the garage at the airport, this blinker being on the wrong side is going to give me fits. So we set out. We are on the road, and I move over into another lane, making sure to turn on the blinker... and the windshield wiper comes on. "Damn!" I said. Aunt Barbara laughed. I must have said "Damn!" at least ten times on the way to the hotel. Aunt Barbara laughing each time. When I pulled up into the parking place at the hotel, the front bumper scraped the curb. "DAMN!" Aunt Barbara said. We both just fell out laughing. I was definitely a little stressed by that time because we had driven around in circles a few times trying to find the hotel, unknowingly passing it each time we went around.

So.. I have internet access at the new hotel for now.

Chad, Jeannie or Linda--can one of you tell Mama about the email and find out if everything is going alright with her? Uncle Joe--don't fall out when you see the master card bill. *grin*

LOVE to you all!

Lisa and Barbara

Friday, Sept 29th

Dear Uncle Joe, Mama, Jeannie, Chad and Linda;

We have changed hotels because the one we were at was outside of the city and not very....nice. We are now at the Royal Albert hotel and have a deluxe suite with a kitchen, washing maching and dryer for only $20 more than what we were paying for the Dump. We turned in the car, too. I realized we would be much happier without me driving in this city. So, we are both VERY pleased with our new arrangements.

Linda--congrats on the 100! We are proud of you!


We would like to know how everyone is doing---Uncle Joe, AB (Aunt Barbara) wants to know what you are doing and why you haven't emailed us in awhile. Ha ha! Jeannie, Chad or Linda--I would like to know how Mama is doing at the house. Is everything going smoothly for her? How is the house stuff (carpet, painting, etc?) going?

We love you all!
Lisa and Barbara

Traveling to Down Under

Traveling to Australia was a mixture of good things and not so enjoyable things... But nothing terrible thank goodness! We were able to check our baggage straight from the Jackson airport to Sydney, meaning we didn't have to do a baggage claim in Los Angeles before we checked into Quantas Air. That was SUCH a good thing! We left from Jackson on a delayed flight to Houston. Got to Houston in time to walk on the connecting flight to Los Angeles. Walk, walk, walk, walk through the airports. By the time we got onto the Quantas plane, my legs and feet were already swollen from sitting so much, making me dread the 14 hour flight to Sydney a little more.

Most of the stewards on the Quantas flight were men--and the service was excellent! Made me think of British butlers serving us. They were great! But, the quarters were tight! Economy seats are made for small people, not even comfortable for average sized one and certainly uncomfortable for me. And the bathrooms! Don't even go there.

We arrived and got through customs quickly enough. We got a taxi right off and he was a speed demon. Ran yellow lights and I was cringing before it was over because the roads being opposite was a little disorienting at first. It felt like oncoming traffic was going to hit us because they "were on the wrong side of the road"! I'm sure I'll get used to is soon enough. Once at the hotel we had to wait for a room because we were there so early in the morning and no one had checked out yet. Once in our room, I took a shower and went to sleep, hence the fact that I was up at 4 am. I think I did pretty good, though. LOL!

Well, I'm here... I'm waiting for time to pass so I can order breakfast. We may go to church or we may go to a tour. Not sure yet. LOL!

Surprised by love

It's surprising to me that I actually love my sister. I know that sounds funny, but for so long I haven't felt close to my family as though my love for them has been on more of an intellectual level. I knew I loved them, but that wasn't the same as feeling love for them. Last week someone hurt her so deeply she cried in my arms. She never does that and I cried with her. I cried for her that night after the lights were turned off. She stopped crying but I didn't. I think she was surprised that I wept for her, too. It seems to have made a difference in how she acted toward me this weekend, wanting to be around me, wanting to run errands with me. I hate that she was hurt, but I'm thankful to have experienced that with her.

My brother-in-law's father died last week and it brought the idea of dying to the forefront of my mind, especially the aspect of eternity. I am not God and I don't know if he was a believer or not, but if I could say from my own limited understanding whether he was or not, I'd say 'Not'. The funeral was a very interesting experience--both of the pastors spoke of how he wasn't suffering anymore, that he was in a better place and so on. All I could think about was how I doubted it and he was probably twisting and turning in the everlasting torment of hell wishing he was back in this life. It was frustrating to me to hear the pastor speak about that horrid, little man as though he were a good man. When they mentioned the Benny Hinn conference in reference to him, I had to cover my mouth to smother my laughter. Linda asked the pastor later... "Is this a charismatic Presbyterian church?" Poor man, he stammered and turned beet red. None of us sisters have any mercy when it comes to lying from the pulpit or using scripture ineptly. What I realized from the funeral was how much the community loves my brother-in-law and his mother. They all know how the father was but they came for his family. That was a wonderful thing.

One fun thing happened with Linda while I was in north Mississippi... We visited the Tishomingo State Park, which has a swinging, suspension bridge over a little river. I watched Linda walk out onto the bridge and freeze about halfway across because it was moving under her. Her whole body froze, she hunched over, held her arms out from her body as though she were about to lose her balance... and I ... I started running for the bridge! She saw me coming and started squealing, trying to get off of the bridge before I got there, but she was too scared to walk fast. So I blocked her from getting off the bridge and started jumping up and down on the it while she was still on it, making it undulate like a wave. It was the most fun I've had in a long time! She squealed and screamed and cussed and froze like a rabbit. I loved it.

I would like to go back to this place and gaze at this moon. I rented a convertible this weekend to play in just because I had HAD it with things and I wanted to do something fun. So I rented a convertible! I have enjoyed it very much. I bought my first sewing machine of my very own today because I need to do some hemming on things and I would rather do it myself than have someone else do my alterations. I was reminded of how much I know how to do today. I know how to sew, even though I haven't done it very much. How many women my age actually know how to thread a bobbin? Many of them do, let me rephrase that--how many single women my age who have to work for a living know how to thread a bobbin? I think the numbers would be less. How many know how to plant a garden and can vegetables or make pickles? How many know how to make homemade fried chicken and mashed potatoes? I haven't done those things in a long time, but I could if I wanted to. Lately, I've wanted to--but I do not have time.

There's a hummingbird outside my window, sipping nectar from my lantana flowers. It's a little female, not very pretty, but dainty and a joy to watch! This is the third time I've seen her. I'm glad she comes to visit me.

I've rented a storage unit to put some things in while I am in this selling and buying a house process. I will begin to put things in it soon... I'll probably hire someone to move a bunch of things out next weekend. Stuff! How did I get so much stuff?

I want to drive my convertible to that bluff and watch the stars. I'll have to settle for driving down the Natchez Trace tonight and listen to the frogs sing their croaky choruses.

I wonder sometimes if I am not just a little dull. Oh, I can be witty enough and I can regurgitate facts with the best of them, but take away surface interaction...how much depth is there? How much independent thinking do I exercise? Take away wilfulness, take away cleverness... how much depth of thought is there to me?

I wonder.

I'm reading a book titled 'Gilead', lent to me by a friend. It's this book that has caused me to ask of myself--do I have depth of thought and character? I like this book! It's a letter from a pastor father to his son when he finds out he is dying. Listen to this excerpt:

I really can't tell what is beautiful anymore. I passed two young fellows on the street the other day. I know who they are, they work at the garage. They're not churchgoing, either one of them, just decent rascally young fellows who have to be joking all the time, and there they were, propped against the garage wall in the sunshine, lighting up their cigarettes. They're always so black with grease and so strong with gasoline I don't know why they don't catch fire themselves. They were passing remarks back and forth the way they do and laughing that wicked way they have. And it seemed beautiful to me. It is an amazing thing to watch people laugh, the way it sort of takes them over. Sometimes they really do struggle with it. I see that in church often enough. So I wonder what it is and where it comes from, and I wonder what it expends out of your system, so that you have to do it till you're done, like crying in a way, I suppose, except that laughter is much more easily spent.

I liked that description of finding beauty in laughter very much! And the thought in this one made me pause and think for a while:

Now, this might seem a trivial thing to mention, considering the gravity of the subject, but I truly don't feel it is. We were very pious children from pious households in a fairly pious town, and this affected our behavior considerably. Once, we baptized a litter of cats. They were dusty little barn cats just steady on their legs, the kind of waifish creatures that live their anonymous lives keeping the mice down and have no interest in humans at all, except to avoid them. But the animals all seem to start out sociable, so we were always pleased to find new kittens prowling out of whatever cranny their mother had tried to hide them in, as ready to play as we were. It occurred to one of the girls to swaddle them up in a doll's dress--there was only one dress, which was just as well since the cats could hardly tolerate a moment in it and would have to have been unswaddled as soon as they were christened in any case. I myself moistened their brows, repeating the full Trinitarian formula.
Their grim old crooked-tail mother found us baptizing away by the creek and began carrying her babies off by the napes of their necks, one and then another. We lost track of which was which, but we were fairly sure that some of the creatures had been borne away still in the darkness of paganism, and that worried us a good deal. So finally I asked my father in the most offhand way imaginable what exactly would happen to a cat if one were to say, baptize it. He replied that the Sacraments must always be treated and regarded with the greatest respect. That wasn't really an answer to my question. We did respect the Sacraments, but we thought the whole world of those cats. I got his meaning though, and I did no more baptizing until I was ordained....
I still remember how those warm little brows felt under the palm of my hand. Everyone has petted a cat, but to touch one like that, with the pure intention of blessing it, is a very different thing. It stays in the mind. For years we would wonder what, from a cosmic viewpoint, we had done to them. It still seems to me to be a real question. There is a reality in blessing, which I take baptism to be, primarily. It doesn't enhance sacredness, but it acknowledges it, and there is power in that. I have felt it pass through me, so to speak. The sensation is of really feeling a creature, I mean really feeling its mysterious life and your mysterious life at the same time. I don't wish to be urging the ministry on you, but there are some advantages to it you might not know to take account of if I did not point them out. Not that you have to be a minister to confer blessing. You are simply much more likely to find yourself in that position. It's a thing people expect of you. I don't know why there is so little about this aspect of the calling in the literature.

Blessing others... Do I take the opportunities to bless as they are given to me? I want to think about this some more.

Saturday night

Today has been a day at home, spent in my pajamas, and I've been content, mostly. Probably because I've been hurting all day, taking Tylenol every three hours to head off the pain that has been coming regularly and I haven't felt like doing anything else. I've been wondering if menopause isn't that far off in the future for me, because I'm afraid that I'm experiencing symptoms of perimenopause now. Which makes the reality of me not having children (read family) even more concrete. It's one thing to deal with the idea of not having children if I'm still capable of bearing them. It's another to accept the death of that possibility when it is no longer a hope, because my body cannot.

I realize I'm not at that point yet, but it feels closer than it has before, and it is an eventuality I cannot escape. So tonight, me and my emotional self have watched chick flick movies in my pajamas and used up a lot of tissue. Finally, when I could stand the sea of hormones I was wallowing in no longer, I decided to rent an action film with a woman as the kick-butt-heroine. And DAMN if the plot wasn't about true love and the whole world depending on that relationship. AAARRRGGGHHHHHH!!!!!

However... I saw my counselor/friend on Friday and came away with a pearl of great worth. I was telling him how sometimes I looked at my life and thought, "If I live to be 80, then my life is halfway over and what do I have to show for it relationally? I don't feel close to my blood family, I don't have a family... I have some deep friendships... but really, what do I have to show for my time on earth?" Here's the pearl... He said that biblically, God doesn't talk much about how much we are to accomplish relationally. That the bible is far more concerned with the individual and the importance of growing. Of choosing the right things, of responding to life as an individual. Growing one's self. I liked that and I want to hold on to that truth.

Questions

Is it a sin to pray that someone would die? Is it ever okay to wish that someone would die because you don't want someone you love to keep suffering?

Does it matter if the person is close to death anyway? What if they are abusive, hateful and filled with bitterness? A financial burden? A waste of air by human standards?

Does it matter if they aren't a Christian? That they have alienated everyone in their life?

Life would be easier if someone would die. I think God already knows that and knows that I would like for that person to die soon. Would it be wrong to pray for a swift end to the misery they bring to everyone they touch?

I don't think it would be wrong.

The motivation for such a prayer would be that my loved one wouldn't have to deal with an intolerable situation. Yet God uses such things for His own purposes. The suffering of loved ones is not without purpose or value. God gives each of us individually our portion of suffering because the end, the burning off of impurities, is more valuable than being happy in the short term. Should we pray away the suffering of those we love?

Why not? Jesus asked God to spare Him if it was God's will. It isn't wrong to ask the same for ourselves or the ones we love. The challenge is to accept His answer.

But I swear, if I were closer to the situation, I'd be praying really hard for someone to die soon.