Fullness

Things that stand out to me about the weekend have little to do with what I spend most of my time doing, which is work. For instance, I was so pleased with Honey on Saturday night. Ever since Tip was put to sleep, Honey's personality has just bloomed and she has become less anxious and more calm around people. I never realized how much Tip influenced her. There was a small crowd here and Honey didn't bark at them or seem upset that they were there. She was laid back about it...so laid back that when they left she didn't even get up. She kept sleeping---it made me smile.

And the bible study on Saturday night... I did not like the application part of the verse. I had a strong resistance to the idea of love between fellow believers bearing all things, and trusting and hoping and enduring in their relationships... because I really want to be able to say, "This far and no farther." Especially with certain people who have hurt me over and over again. I have gotten to the point with Dean that I decided that he was worthless, of no value to me, and undeserving of any grace. That even his Christianity was suspect and not worth my consideration. I like it that way. It makes it easier to discount him and not address my own actions.

I’m still not happy with the idea of him being worth my compassion again. I’m still fighting it.

The cd that Joel gave me to listen to on Saturday; it’s been a source of joy for me.

Lunch with Pam, Jamie and Liz yesterday and how fun it was to laugh and cut up and then be serious and talk about heaven and salvation. I wish I could have that every day!

The singing at night church yesterday, the making of music with others. I love that! Singing parts with the people who are dear to me, hearing them sing with all of their heart.

Today I had a major presentation at a meeting with the second tier of power at work. It went well!! I did well!! And I am glad it did, because I worked hard on it. I felt good that some of my other gifts and talents had a place to be seen, too. Self-centered, but true. Can’t help but think that maybe it will help when the topic of my raise comes up again.

Sunday school yesterday morning—Jeff has been a breath of fresh air to me; and to think that I was ready to discount him the first Sunday I heard him teach. So much has Dean influenced me against pastor type people, that I find it hard to listen to someone whose delivery style is authoritative in nature. Even when they could teach me. I am struck anew at how true it is that thinking about what Christ has done for me, thinking on my justification that has NOTHING to do with me, thinking on these things make my heart softer.

Such things as this stand out to me, and I am full.