Joy

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Unexpected Joy
Today I got to play with Hannah. Hannah is going to be four in November and I'm her Aunt Lee Lee. I love being Aunt Lee Lee! At lunch she asked her mother, "Are we having lunch with Aunt Lee Lee?" Jennifer told her "Yes, we are having lunch with Aunt Lee Lee." Hannah looked at me across the table and asked her next question. "Can Aunt Lee Lee spend the night with us tonight?" It's amazing how the smallest things can make you feel good. A four year old wanted me to spend the night with her for no other reason than she likes me.

Nathan, Hannah's 19 month old little brother, has recently learned how to give kisses. He bent over and kissed Jennifer's knee and then looked over at me. He got this mischievious smile on his face, walked over to me, and headed for my bare leg stretched out on the couch. He bent over and kissed the air about six inches from my leg. I didn't care! I liked it as well as if he had actually kissed me. He must have done that four or five times, each time coming a little closer to my leg, but never quite touching. It was so sweet.

Infectious Joy
After lunch we went to the living room and played with her sticker book and then threw a beach ball to each other. She got the biggest kick out of me bopping her on the head with the ball. She'd squeal with laughter and I couldn't help but laugh, too.

Quiet Joy
I had on a flowy, sheer, black blouse with irridescent beads. Hannah got tired of running after the ball and wanted to be close to me. I had my feet stretched out on the couch, so she was leaning half on the arm of the couch and half on me when she noticed the beads on my blouse. She fingered them and exclaimed over them. "I like your shirt Aunt Lee Lee. Would I fit in there?" I realized she meant could she wear the shirt? I look forward to more conversations with Hannah in the future.

True Joy
As much as I love Hannah and Nathan, the joy I felt with them was fleeting. So where does more permanent joy come from? Where and how can I get it? Why don't I have it? Today Jeff talked about faith in a gospel that ended with justification versus having a faith that went from justification to reconciliation between the pardoned (me) and the pardoner (God). A gospel that ends at justification means that everything after that is up to me or that it doesn't matter. But a gospel that ends in reconciliation between God and me means that I am given the grace I need to do what I am required to do. It means that what comes in life matters and that it's not up to me! Jeff talked about how God's love of his adopted sons trumped his love for his one only son. How He chose to put himself in a position of being an enemy to His Son so that we (I) could be reconciled to Him. I live like my gospel ends at justification. I guess my joy comes from believing in the reconciliation I have with God. The access to Him that is mine. I need to learn how to remember this.